It is 10:54, on a very grey, wet and windy day. My bed is unmade and my room a mess. And yet all I seem to bothered to do is sit around and browse the Internet!
I am 18 years Old and starting to realise that I am slowly wasting my life away, too lazy to strive for any big achievements and too shy and scared to enjoy life.
OK so I have had my fair share of success, I have always got straight A's, I was a prefect and a Head of House and I am now studying at Cambridge University, but I seem to have ground to a halt. my personality and enthusiasm is slowly seeping out of my toes!
I have never been a particularly happy child, always a little too aware of the people around me and how I should appear and react.
When I was 13, eating difficulties sort of sprang up on me, like they do with any other teenage girl! and for the following 3 years every aspect of my life was governed by food, my weight and worries of how people would see me. really I was desperate for attention.
The thing that kept me going was my love of art, and the belief that I was good. my ambition from when I was tiny was to be a famous artist in my lifetime.
but when I moved schools for 6th form I entirely lost all enjoyment, art became a chore, a set of hopes I had to get through for my A level marks.
The grip of the eating difficulties were starting to loosen as a grew up, but I was reluctant to let it go, feeling it was part of me. It was something to aim for, a belief in a better future
I feel the loss of the interest in art and the food control, have left me entirely empty, ambition less and lacking in personality and confidence.
I have started this Blog because I feel it is time to fill me up again, lose my excess weight so that I can feel happy and confident in myself, and encourage better social interaction. I must find something that enthuses me, and lets me be an all together pleasanter person to other people!
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